Squirrel Girl might be the most interesting hero in the entirety of the Marvel Universe. Her powers include enhanced agility, a prehensile tail, climbing claws, and retractable knuckle spikes. Even more important, she’s highly trained in hand-to-hand combat and can take on pretty much anyone. On top of that, she has the ability to communicate with squirrels. To be clear, she isn’t telepathic. She just understands what they say and they understand her. Squirrel Girl even has pouches of nuts to feed to her furry army she calls her nutsacks. It would honestly just be fun to watch DC’s roster of heroes deal with this.
10 LOSE AGAINST: Stargirl
It can’t be understated how talented a fighter Squirrel Girl truly is. When you add in her tail, her agility and her knuckle spikes, you start to see how she capable she is in combat. But in a fight against Stargirl, those powers and skills would only go so far. Stargirl wields the cosmic staff that belonged to her predecessor, a powerful weapon that allows her to fly and manipulate energy in a number of ways. If they get down on the ground, Squirrel Girl has a chance. Otherwise, Stargirl has her outpowered, and no amount of squirrel buddies can save her.
9 DEFEAT: Harley Quinn
If you’re going to go to Gotham, keep your eyes open for Harley Quinn. She’s played the role of both hero and villain in her career, though she might be more dangerous as a hero in some ways. The main threat Harley poses to Squirrel Girl is the giant, cartoon hammer she carries around, which could be really useful for squishing squirrels.
That being said, Squirrel Girl is a more talented fighter than her so she would probably win in the end. Plus, you can only squish so many squirrels at one time. Please do not try that at home to find out home many.
8 LOSE AGAINST: Jason Todd
The formerly lost son of Batman’s defacto family is capable of pretty much anything in a combat situation. That is in no small part due to how talented a fighter he is and how effective he is with a shockingly large variety of weapons. The other thing that makes him dangerous is that he has a much looser moral code than some of the other Bat-Family members, meaning he’ll do what needs to be done to win. There was one fight Jason Todd lost really badly to the Joker a few years ago. He doesn’t lose them anymore. Ultimately, a fight between Squirrel Girl and Jason Todd is likely to end in a lot of tiny squirrel funerals.
7 DEFEAT: Damian Wayne
As the son of Batman and Talia al Ghul, Damian Wayne was born to fight. Trained by his grandfather and father to be the best of the best, Damian is a formidable opponent despite his age. Many of the people he has faced have underestimated him because of his age and his size, and paid the price.
But the high level of Damian’s fighting prowess is matched by his arrogance and condescending demeanor. He would take one look at Squirrel Girl and immediately write her off. Not taking her seriously would cost him dearly in that contest, as it has other opponents.
6 LOSE AGAINST: Krypto
This one doesn’t seem quite fair, does it? Krypto is the favored pet of Superman, a dog with comparable powers to the Man of Steel. The problem for Squirrel Girl is that dogs, for the most part, love to chase squirrels, and she generally has a lot of squirrels around her. Krypto is super fast and super strong, meaning that he could pick off her army of squirrels before she had the chance to think about doing something about him. As great a fighter as she is, Squirrel Girl is losing this match unless she has some Kryptonite with one of her many nutsacks.
5 DEFEAT: Stephanie Brown
The fan-favorite character has operated under a number of names, including Batgirl and Robin. But fans might know her best as Spoiler, another of Gotham’s crime-fighting vigilante crew. Brown has been trained by various members of the extended Bat-Family, in everything from fighting to interrogation. It’s unlikely that anyone taught her how to deal with an army of squirrels or someone with a prehensile table.
Well, Batman might have. He tends to think of those kinds of things. This is a fairly even match from a straight combat perspective, but Squirrel Girl’s small furry friends do give her quite an edge.
4 LOSE AGAINST: Zatanna
Zatanna is one of DC’s most powerful and well-trained sorcerers. Her mystical abilities are potentially limitless, passed down to her by her equally powerful father. Beyond that, she is also a highly skilled illusionist and stage magician, which gives her some interesting ideas on how to use her powers. Squirrel Girl would present an interesting challenge for her in that the source of her gift with squirrels is not clearly defined. Zatanna might be more interested in learning about her opponent than fighting her, but she would win if they did face off.
3 DEFEAT: Ted Kord
The mind of a genius inventor in the body of a skilled acrobat and trained martial artist. When Ted Kord went by the name Blue Beetle, he was a force to be reckoned with. Some of the Justice League actually speculated that he might even be smarter than Batman. Keep in mind that person was Guy Gardner, and he hated Batman.
But as good a fighter as Ted was, he would have been no match for Squirrel Girl. Her training and abilities outstrip his, leaving him with his technology to fall back on. At least until the squirrels start tearing out all the wiring.
2 LOSE AGAINST: Jaime Reyes
After Ted Kord passed away, Jaime Reyes took up the name and the mission. He possesses the alien relic that used to belong to a previous Blue Beetle, Dan Garret. The scarab gives Reyes an unbelievably powerful suit of extraterrestrial armor that is capable of creating a variety of weapons to fit the situation. The only way Squirrel Girl has a chance is if she shows up to the fight in her suit of squirrel armor she made from parts she found in Tony Stark’s recycling bin. It’s a thing. The armor even had a tail. If nothing else, she is extremely resourceful.
1 DEFEAT: Catwoman
It can be easy to forget how great a gymnast and fighter Catwoman is since she frequently relies on other skills to get by. Like Harley Quinn, she dances back and forth across the line between hero and villain as the situation warrants. Also like Harley Quinn, she going to lose any fight she has with Squirrel Girl. DC’s greatest thief simply doesn’t have the chops to take on someone with Squirrel Girl’s powers or training. But Catwoman is more likely to try to manipulate Squirrel Girl than fight her, and that might just get her the win.
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